The Real Story No One Knows About Me

It's been a while since I have posted on here but I have been inspired to write my thoughts down. A lot of people no me as a Special Education Teacher, a mom, a friend, a wife, and a movie and music lover. I am going to share something that I do not talk about very often.

My mom got Lung Cancer when I was 14, and she had never smoked a day in her life. My first reaction was that "life is not fair." There is no possible explanation for someone to get Lung Cancer when they have never smoked a day in their life! From the time I was 14 until I was 19 my mother went through surgery to remove the Tumor in her Lung, 14 rounds of Chemotherapy and 12 rounds of Radiation to remove the Cancer. Throughout my teen years my mother was a fighter and fought hard to provide my brother and I with a normal childhood. But there were parts of my childhood that were not typical. When my mom was having Chemotherapy or Radiation she was often very sick. She was too sick to drive my brother and I, and too sick to cook dinners. Lucky for us we lived in an amazing neighborhood where neighbors and friends brought us food and drove my brother and I where we needed to go until I got my license at 17.

Many of my friends know about my mother getting Cancer and the technical aspects of it but many of you do not know what I went through emotionally. My mom's Cancer spread rapidly when I was 19, the summer after my Freshmen year of College. She was in a wheelchair for about 6 months. My father was amazing and dedicated to my mother. Watching him take care of my mother was truly inspiring, but being the oldest I also took care of my mother. I made her food, took her to the bathroom and brought her anything that she needed. I was a 19 year old teenager, a child, and I was taking care of my mother. My mother was also in the hospital that Spring. My brother and I were home by ourselves. We cooked for ourselves and took care of each other. My Uncle Ronnie and Aunt Amy came to take care of us and my mother's best friends Marilyn and Martha came from Florida. However, my brother and I still took care of each other. My mother passed away that summer in July 2014. Watching her die, taking care of my own mother as a child and depending on friends and neighbors scarred me. I became very depressed and withdrawn. I went to psychologists, psychiatrists, art therapy and music therapy. I was self destructive to myself. I know I could not have made it through without the love my friends and family. A mother dying stays with you your whole life. I am still scarred from that experience and still become depressed and anxious. I have a lot of difficulty taking care of my family when they are sick because images like a camera come back to haunt me of my mother in a hospital bed dying from Lung Cancer. Thanks everyone for reading the real story about me and I thank my husband Matt, my father and my brother and my stepmother and all my friends for helping me through my depression.

Advice for New Moms: The Real Truth No One will Tell You

It has been a long time since I have posted on my blog but while lying in bed this morning I was inspired. I was thinking back to when I was pregnant with Maya and realized that people do not really tell you the real truth about being a new mom. Many times it is wonderful but other times it can be a crazy mess where you often surprise yourself when you are still functioning. I have decided to post the top ten pieces of advice no one will tell new moms so you will be more prepared then I was.

1. No more going to bed late because you feel like it.

When you had no kids, you could stay up late with your husband or boyfriend and watch a movie just because. Now if you stay up late you will be up in three to five hours. My advice: go to bed when your baby goes to bed.

2. No more sleeping in until 9 AM.

For those of you who are pregnant or are thinking about being pregnant or are not thinking about kids at all and say, "I'm tired", there is a whole other aspect of tiredness when you are a mom. I thought sleeping for five hours meant I was tired before becoming a mom. When you have a baby and that baby is up every half hour and you memorize the lifetime TV schedule just to fill the time while she is eating, that is tired. But do not worry, you get used to sleeping on a different schedule and not needing a lot of sleep. And for those of you who need 8 to 10 hours of sleep: good luck to you.

3. Going to the bathroom by yourself is a privilege.

When I had no kids, I would go to the bathroom and close the door. Now when I need to go to the bathroom I wait until my daughter is out of reach of any pens, pencils, scissors or any other sharp object and keep the door open. I try to remember to close it when I have company.

4. Babies do not sleep through the night at 3 months or even 6 months.

Those new moms who say, "Oh, my baby is sleeping 12 hours and he or she is 3 months" are liars or show offs; they are far from perfect. Babies don't just magically sleep through the night at 3 months. You have to teach them to sleep on their own. Even when they do start sleeping through the night and you are so happy because you have finally gotten 7 hours of consistent sleep; don't worry that will be short lived. They will go through a new developmental milestone or be teething or sick and start waking up all over again.

5. Do not listen to those moms who with a smile on their face say they always find time to clean their house and be with their babies.

Those moms are show offs, perfectionists or liars. It is next to impossible to clean your house from top to bottom with a baby. When a baby is a newborn you should sleep when the baby sleeps so you can be there for your baby. That is the most important thing. When your baby is older, you can try to clean your house with her but that takes so much longer and they may try to color on the walls or do something else and then you have more cleaning to do.

6. You can teach your 1 year old about basic emotions.

When your toddler is having a tantrum you can ask her why and give him or her the emotional words to use to tell you why he or she is having a tantrum. It decreases the length of tantrums.

7. Every Milestone is amazing.

It is especially beautiful to be able to have a conversation with your child. Talk to your child like you talk to anyone without baby talk. They are people too and they like it when you have conversations with them.

8. Do not listen to the time periods for each milestone.

Babies and toddlers will do things at their own time and no matter how much you push them to do something they are going to get it. Your baby will not go to kindergarten with a bottle or a pacifier in his or her mouth. Maya went off the pacifier at 15 months and the bottle at 25 months and she is a completely normal kid.

9. You are the mother of your child and you know your child the best.

Anyone who tells you "don't give your baby this food, don't praise her for doing this...." and the list goes on; do not listen to them. Do what you feel is best for your child.

10. You will love your baby despite all of the hardships that comes along with having a child.

Ocean City Adventures

I went to Ocean City and Rehobeth Beach this weekend and who knew that a simple trip to the beach could be such an adventure. We arrived on Friday afternoon and started off the day walking around the boardwalk. Then we went to this really nice private beach off a hotel called Castle in the Sand. The waves were really high and it was really relaxing to be in the ocean. There is something about being in the water that makes all the stresses of everyday life go away. After the beach walked around the boardwalk again, and went to this very nice authentic Mexican restaurant where I had my first vegtable fajita. It was really amazing. I loved making my own burrito.

The next day was even more adventurous. We went to Rehobeth Beach and we walked on the boardwalk where I bought a soft pretzel. It was really good, and we walked to the beach while I ate my soft pretzel. I was on my last bit when all of a sudden a sea gull swopped down and snatched the last piece of my pretzel and flew away. It happened so fast I did not even realize it happened until the pretzel was gone. I think birds are way to comfortable with people! After that, I went swimming in the ocean, and while swimming, I felt a stinging sensation in my arms and then in my leg. I got out of the water and noticed I had a rash on my arms and leg. I found out that I had gotten stuck by a jelly fish. All in all, the beach was an awesome experience from my first jelly fish sting to a bird stealing my food to my first fajita.

Metro Accident

When something happens like the red line crash on the Washington DC metro it really teaches you to appreciate life. On Monday evening, around 5PM the red line going in the direction of Glenmont crashed into another train. I took the red line in that direction every day to get to George Washington University. Normally on Mondays my class ends at 3PM, and I sometimes stay to exercise at the gym. This weekend I realized that I had a lot of work to do so I decided to go home right after my class around 3PM. Normally when I finish working out I leave between 4:15 and 4:30 and I could not help thinking after I heard about the accident that if I stayed later to work out I could have been on that fateful train that crashed. It was really wierd to think about it. It really scared me. It made me think that I am here in this world for a greater purpose to live a great life and get a great job in an elementary school. It made me want to work real hard in Graduate school so I can do well and follow my dream of teaching. When a tragedy like this happens that hits so close to home it really makes you want to devote as much passion to your life as possible. When something amazing rolls around it makes you want to enjoy it that much more.

Harpers Ferry

It has been a few months since I last posted but I wanted to share a beautiful experience I had today. I went to Harpers Ferry, West Virginia for the first time. What made it so special was walking through an old town on a beautiful day looking through small shops filled with jewelry, homemade ice cream and souvenirs. Another thing that made it so special was walking around the C & O Canal on a clear day. I went with my boyfriend and we saw this old, white abandoned house that we climbed to get to. I discovered that walking through nature caused us to find out different things that we otherwise would not have known about each other. I really enjoyed walking through nature and hearing the soft sounds of the river. It was also nice to take pictures of the pretty views. We walked on a bridge overlooking the river and parallel to the bridge were railroad tracks. We had the wind blowing in our faces and there was a pretty view of the river. This experience was really nice because it allowed me to step back from my busy life and appreciate my surrondings. When I walked through nature today it provided me with a sense of calm and purpose to my life.

Straight Into Darkness by Faye Kellerman

I just finished a new mystery/historical novel by Faye Kellerman. It is a mystery novel that takes place between World War I and World War II in Munich, Germany. The book is about an Inspector who is trying to solve a murder but each time he gets closer to finding the murderer, another murder occurs. I have read all of the Peter Decker/Rina Lazarus mystery novels by Faye Kellerman and I knew she wrote other types of mystery and historical novels but I did not think I would like them. However, this book was really interesting to me because I know all about World War II and how it started and I have read many books on the holocause but I have never read a fiction novel that takes place between World War I and II.

Straight Into Darkness puts a different spin on Germany and World War I and the development of World War II. I kept wanting to read the book more and more because I wanted to know the new developments Inspector Axel Berg discovered. I strongly recommend this book to anyone who loves a good mystery with a historical twist.

Hair Today Gone Tommorow

Yesterday, I got a haircut but not just any haircut. I got a haircut in order to donate my hair to Pantene Pro V. Pantene Pro V is a shampoo company but they are also an organization that accepts hair donations. The donated hair is then made into wigs and given to people with cancer or other diseases that cause people to lose their hair.

I have wanted to donate my hair for a long time because my mother had lung cancer and I remember what it was like for her when she was loosing her hair from chemotherapy. I remember when she went shopping for wigs and how hard it was for her to loose her hair. I really admired her courage, bravery and positive attitude throughout it all and I wanted to do something personal to honor her memory. After I got my haircut, I felt so happy and satisfied that I was giving back to the community in this way. One thing I learned from watching my mother go through cancer is to appreciate the little things in life because life is very precious. Another thing I realized is you have to figure out what you believe in and what you want out of life and you cannot be afraid to follow your dreams.

Rosh Hashana 2008

This past week I celebrated Rosh Hashana, the Jewish new year, with my family. Rosh Hashana is a time for prayer and reflection. It is a time where Jews from all over the world go to synagogue and pray to God to have a year of health and happiness. It is also a time where Jews reflect on their actions and figure out how to improve themselves overall. Many Jews think back to anyone they have wronged in the past year such as their friends, family and coworkers and ask them personally for forgiveness.

To me, Rosh Hashana is an opportunity to reflect on the past year and find ways to be a better person for yourself and for others. This year I decided to really look within myself and I decided to make a resolution to be a more positive, upbeat, patient, less angry and more sensitive. I sat in synagogue over Rosh Hashana and prayed to God to forgive me for anything I have done wrong. I also really tried to connect personally with the prayers and for the first time I felt as if I was talking one on one with God.

After Rosh Hashana, I felt like a new person and I am really making a concerted effort each day to be a more positive and sensitive person. I am also making an effort to appreciate the great life that I have been given and to make each day count.

Reflections Of This Past Week

Most of my blog posts are about books, magazines and other general, important lessons I have learned along the way but I wanted to write this blog about a personal lesson I learned this week. A lot has happened to me personally this week and it has been hard to deal with at times. As a result, I was not always there for my friends and family as I should have been. Every time I was not as nice as I should have been to the people in my life I regretted the way I acted right afterward. Tonight, I started the Sabbath by lighting the candles and having a really nice Shabbat meal with my boyfriend. I realized during the beautiful Sabbath meal that no matter what happens in my life, good, bad or stressful, I am so lucky to have my friends and family who love and care for me. They are there for me without judgement through good and bad times and the Sabbath is a time that I reflect on my life and my past week and realize that I am lucky to have such a great job and great friends and family who are there for me always.

One thing I am going to try my utmost hardest to work on is being more positive within myself and to others as well. Since Rosh Hashana, the Jewish new year, is coming up I am really going to try and use this holiday as an opportunity to better myself by being a more upbeat and positive person because no matter what happens in life if I put a positive spin on something I will be happier and less stressed in my life.

A Thousand Splendid Suns

I have just started reading the book A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini and it is a really great book. The book talks all about women in Afghanistan and takes you through the story of a couple women and their life story. It is a very sad book but very inspirational. It is sad primarily because of the political situation and the impact that has on the lives of all the people in the country. It is also sad because of how women are treated in Afghanistan. Women are treated as second class citizens and men are the primary breadwinners for the household so the women have to answer to the men. These women are often forced to marry young to men they have never met and do not and sometimes will never love. I have not finished the book yet but despite the hard lives the main female characters in the story lead they find strength to pursue life to its fullest.

This book really inspired me to reflect on my life. I realized that despite the hustle and bustle of my busy life my problems are minor compared to what people in Afghanistan go through in this story. They are born into a country that is constantly in turmoil and are dealing with the personal hardships that brings to their lives while I am dealing with a busy work life. Reading this book made me realize that I am lucky to have a nice, comfortable home, a great job and great family and friends. I highly recommend reading this book and I hope it inspires everyone the way it has inspired me.

A New Insight Into Children

It has been a while since my last blog post but that is because I recently started my first full time job working with preschool children at a day care center. It has been an amazing experience. I have been working with children part time since I was in high school but working full time with children is very different. Working in one preschool class every day has really opened my eyes to how children interact with others and how the see the world in general. Also, when working in a class with toddlers full time it allows me to connect with them on a personal level. Every day I learn new things about each child in my classroom. Also, every day I am learning various techniques through my hands on experience on how to interact with and teach toddlers.

Things I Have Learned When Working With Toddlers
1. Always talk to them in a friendly and kindly manner
2. Each child is an amazing young person and each one views the world in a unique manner
3. Every day is a unique experience and toddlers want to learn all they can about the world
4. When teaching toddlers always remember to have fun with them
5. As an assistant teacher, I am helping them form the foundational knowledge that will carry them through their future lives

The Tenth Circle by Jodi Picoult

I am in the middle of reading The Tenth Circle by Jodi Picoult and I love it so far. It is a really interesting book that keeps you in suspense. It is about a family who lives in Bethel, Maine and the hardships they go through. The mother works out of the home while the father works from home as a comic book writer and is considered the primary caretaker of their daughter Traci Stone. The family is your typical suburban family leading a normal life until a tragedy happens to Traci and affects her parents and their entire small town. Traci's parents struggle to help her cope in the wake of her tragedy despite their own interpersonal issues.

What really interest me about the book is how the author normalizes the Stone family. Jodi Picoult shows that no family is perfect and every family goes through good and bad times but sometimes it is the bad times that can bring a family together. Not only does Picoult write an interesting book but she keeps a serious, dramatic story suspenseful. I have been reading this book at night and it is hard to put it down. The combination of this dramatic story that tugs at your heart strings and the suspense that goes along with that make this an amazing book that I highly recommend reading.

The Original Ghost Tours in Williamsburg, VA

I just came back from a short vacation with my family in Williamsburg, VA. It was a lot of and very interesting. On our first night, we went on a ghost tour of colonial Williamsburg at night in complete darkness. I thought it was really interesting because our guide took us around to famous places such as the College of William and Mary and colonial houses and told us spooky ghost stories relating to the specific stops along the tour.

Ghost Story: One story in particular caught my attention. It was on the first stop along the tour at one of the buildings of the College of William and Mary. In the colonial era, around the 1600s, this building was constructed for an Indian boys boarding school. There was heavy fighting between the colonists and Indian tribes in Virginia and the colonists came up with an idea to make peace. They constructed a boarding school for Indian boys to teach them their religion, language and way of life. The Indian chiefs agreed to send their young boys to the school but the boys were very unhappy there because the colonists weren't nice to them. Many boys tried to escape despite the restrictions set upon them by their headmaster. However, there was one boy who found a rope and was able to climb down from the top floor of the building where they slept. Every night after he climbed down, he ran around and was able to climb up to his bed in time for dawn. One night, he was not in his bed at dawn and the colonists searched for him and they found his body in the forest. Today, according to professors, students and local townspeople late at night they sometimes see a ghostlike figure running around the college or hear noises coming in or around the building where that boy was forced to attend boarding school hundreds of years ago.

Awesome Advice From The Sept. 2008 Cosmopolitan

I just received the new Cosmopolitan in the mail and I started reading it. This issue has some really useful pointers about male/female intimate relationships.

Tips from women, girlfriends and wives to men, boyfriends and husbands
1. when your girlfriend/wife asks if she looks fat never ask her to move to a different angle
2. If you mess up do not say to her you should have known I would mess up. It is not our fault you aren't perfect. Nobody is.
3. It is great that you love gadgets so much but it is not cool if you buy a gadget you want for yourself as a special gift for us.
4. If we ask you if another girl is hot, it is fine to lie and do so convincingly.
5. No matter how much cologne you spritz on it will not magically turn you into David Beckham so do not spritz too much of it.
6. Be intuitive and ask questions to show you care such as how was your appointment?

Important Tidbit for women
Ever wonder we guys hardly ever cry or show strong emotions. According to Cosmo, boys grow up learning that they are not manly if they cry or show emotion. Also, they grow up idolizing movie stars, sports heroes that portray themselves as masculine by not showing emotion. Another interesting reason is biological. Men do not cry as much as women because their tear ducts are smaller than womens. The secret to getting a man to show emotion is to tell him it is more attractive to you if he shows his true feelings. That way he knows you will not think less of him as a man if he shows emotions.

Sex and the City Revisited

I am almost done reading the book Sex and the City and I find the book really interesting. It was this book that sparked the TV show "Sex and the City." The book talks a lot about how hard it is for women to find the perfect guy to make the perfect life with. The author, Candace Bushnell, writes about her friends struggles with their intimate relationships. One of her friends, Carrie, is dating this guy Mr. Big and she is constantly unsure of their relationship and where it is going. Carrie often finds it hard to believe that women can find the right guy and marry them. She does not know if Mr. Big is the right guy for her and if she wants to get married to him. She likes being in a relationship with him on one hand but on the other hand she enjoys being single and the freedom that goes along with that.

In one part of the book, Carrie and her friend Samantha are at a party and they see this woman who married the perfect husband and they are both wondering how this woman can meet the perfect guy and then go on to have the perfect family and life.

I think this book brings out a lot of good points about women in relationships with men. I think there are many women out there who struggle in and out of relationships and are constantly wondering when they are going to find the perfect guy and when they find that guy how will they know whether or not to take it to the next level. I believe a woman should learn to be independent and happy with herself before she can take a relationship to the next level. I also wonder how some people are able to know at a young age that they have found the right person and want to marry them. I think that every relationship is different but it is important for women in intimate relationships to find that balance of being independent as well as sharing your life and being with another person. I think finding this balance can take time and I am always wondering how people can find that balance of independence and marriage at a young age. I am happy for these people but I want to know how they do it.

Kindergarten Cop Movie

I watched the movie "Kindergarten Cop" for the first time since I was a child. I forgot how much I really loved it. It's a movie from the '90s about a cop who goes undercover as a teacher to find a criminal. The cop, played by Arnold Schwarzenegger, starts off as a strong, tough cop and as he gets to know his students he 'softens' a bit and really starts to care about the children and the community he is trying to protect.

I think the movie demonstrates how beautiful and powerful the relationship with children can be. I believe children can tug at a person's heartstrings and cause them to think about their lives in general. I also think children can transform a person with a tough image into a sensitive and caring person. I love how the movie portrays children as intelligent people who just want people to love and care about them. I highly recommend this movie to anyone and everyone!

Ocean City Vacation

This weekend I went on Vacation with my boyfriend to Ocean City, MD. It was a lot of fun. We went to the ocean and walked around the boardwalk. I had a great time going in the ocean. I think the ocean is so beautiful and relaxing. I felt very cleansed when I swam in the ocean. I know it is very sandy but I am referring to feeling cleansed in a spiritual and emotional sense. I felt as if it was just the Atlantic Ocean surrounding me and nothing and no one is around me except the water. I was really happy just letting the waves rush over me.

There is something really spiritual in my opinion about the ocean. The fact that you are swimming in a natural body of pure salt water with no chemicals. When I was in the ocean I felt spiritually cleansed in the pure ocean water. It made me happy knowing that being in and around the ocean is rare for me so I enjoyed my time in Ocean City to the fullest going in the water, walking on the boardwalk and going outlet shopping.

National Museum of the American Indian

Today, I went to the National Museum of the American Indian in Washington DC with a friend. We saw two exhibits in the museum one called "Our Universes" and the other one called "Our Lives." We began our visit by seeing an introductory movie about Native Americans and then we went on to seeing the two exhibits. "Our Universes" explained a little bit about each Native American tribe in the Americas. It was really interesting to see that all the tribes are different in their own way whether it is the way they dress, hunt or their philosophy. "Our Lives" talked all about contemporary Native Americans and the issues and problems they face in the modern world.

I especially found the exhibit "Our Lives" interesting. I did not realize how poor a lot of these Native American tribes are. To me, it is really sad that the Native American tribes have to fight the government to keep their lands and have lost a lot of their ancient traditions because they are unable to adapt them to the modern world. However, despite the modern day struggles Native American tribes live in reservations all across the Americas and find ways to keep their beliefs strong. I think the Native American culture is really fascinating with their strong connection to nature and I hope they continue to cling to their strong beliefs. I think living in America is all about the freedom and opportunity to practice your beliefs in your own way and I believe the Native Americans like any other culture deserves that same freedom.

Sex and the City: The Original

I just started reading the book Sex and the City, which is what the T.V. show "Sex and the City" is based on. It is a great book that talks all about relationships in New York City. The author, Candace Bushnell, bases the book on her personal life as well as her friends' stories on relationships. It is really interesting to read all about the glamorous singles scene in New York City. Candace Bushnell and her friends are single and in their thirties and talk about how important it is to be happy and independent. They talk about how one should depend on a guy for their happiness. I think this is a really important message because many women when they hit their twenties feel they need to have the perfect relationship, amazing job and great salary. However, that is not always possible and sometimes you have to roll with whatever life throws at you and if you remain confident and true to yourself nothing will get you down.

Interesting Topic: Modelizers: The author defined this term as those men who only date models. She described them as men who are rich, very attractive and have high standards of beauty when it comes to women. These men are not looking for long term relationships. They are looking to date as many beautiful, young models as they can to make to boost their self esteem.

Friday Night Dinner at Home

Last night, I went to my community where I grew up and had Shabbat dinner with my family at a friend's house in the neighborhood. It was really nice to be back home for Shabbat dinner and to share a meal with family and close friends. We had a dairy meal for dinner which is a nice change of pace from the usual meat meals that i grew up with.

We talked about a lot of interesting things such as politics and our own lives. During the meal, I learned some interesting things about the Shabbat meal that i did not know beforehand. One thing I learned is that the Shabbat meals are supposed to be reminiscent of the sarifical offerings that occured in the Temple Before Common Era (BCE). Also, one of the reasons we put salt on bread at the Shabbat meal is because in ancient times the most common food was salt and bread. We are being reminded of that as well as the sacrifical offerings in the temple when we sprinkle the salt on the Challah (bread) during the Shabbat meals.

Fun Fact: It was a custom when a person moves into a new house for people to bring them bread and salt. Bread and salt symbolize a fresh start and new beginnings.