The Real Story No One Knows About Me

It's been a while since I have posted on here but I have been inspired to write my thoughts down. A lot of people no me as a Special Education Teacher, a mom, a friend, a wife, and a movie and music lover. I am going to share something that I do not talk about very often.

My mom got Lung Cancer when I was 14, and she had never smoked a day in her life. My first reaction was that "life is not fair." There is no possible explanation for someone to get Lung Cancer when they have never smoked a day in their life! From the time I was 14 until I was 19 my mother went through surgery to remove the Tumor in her Lung, 14 rounds of Chemotherapy and 12 rounds of Radiation to remove the Cancer. Throughout my teen years my mother was a fighter and fought hard to provide my brother and I with a normal childhood. But there were parts of my childhood that were not typical. When my mom was having Chemotherapy or Radiation she was often very sick. She was too sick to drive my brother and I, and too sick to cook dinners. Lucky for us we lived in an amazing neighborhood where neighbors and friends brought us food and drove my brother and I where we needed to go until I got my license at 17.

Many of my friends know about my mother getting Cancer and the technical aspects of it but many of you do not know what I went through emotionally. My mom's Cancer spread rapidly when I was 19, the summer after my Freshmen year of College. She was in a wheelchair for about 6 months. My father was amazing and dedicated to my mother. Watching him take care of my mother was truly inspiring, but being the oldest I also took care of my mother. I made her food, took her to the bathroom and brought her anything that she needed. I was a 19 year old teenager, a child, and I was taking care of my mother. My mother was also in the hospital that Spring. My brother and I were home by ourselves. We cooked for ourselves and took care of each other. My Uncle Ronnie and Aunt Amy came to take care of us and my mother's best friends Marilyn and Martha came from Florida. However, my brother and I still took care of each other. My mother passed away that summer in July 2014. Watching her die, taking care of my own mother as a child and depending on friends and neighbors scarred me. I became very depressed and withdrawn. I went to psychologists, psychiatrists, art therapy and music therapy. I was self destructive to myself. I know I could not have made it through without the love my friends and family. A mother dying stays with you your whole life. I am still scarred from that experience and still become depressed and anxious. I have a lot of difficulty taking care of my family when they are sick because images like a camera come back to haunt me of my mother in a hospital bed dying from Lung Cancer. Thanks everyone for reading the real story about me and I thank my husband Matt, my father and my brother and my stepmother and all my friends for helping me through my depression.

Advice for New Moms: The Real Truth No One will Tell You

It has been a long time since I have posted on my blog but while lying in bed this morning I was inspired. I was thinking back to when I was pregnant with Maya and realized that people do not really tell you the real truth about being a new mom. Many times it is wonderful but other times it can be a crazy mess where you often surprise yourself when you are still functioning. I have decided to post the top ten pieces of advice no one will tell new moms so you will be more prepared then I was.

1. No more going to bed late because you feel like it.

When you had no kids, you could stay up late with your husband or boyfriend and watch a movie just because. Now if you stay up late you will be up in three to five hours. My advice: go to bed when your baby goes to bed.

2. No more sleeping in until 9 AM.

For those of you who are pregnant or are thinking about being pregnant or are not thinking about kids at all and say, "I'm tired", there is a whole other aspect of tiredness when you are a mom. I thought sleeping for five hours meant I was tired before becoming a mom. When you have a baby and that baby is up every half hour and you memorize the lifetime TV schedule just to fill the time while she is eating, that is tired. But do not worry, you get used to sleeping on a different schedule and not needing a lot of sleep. And for those of you who need 8 to 10 hours of sleep: good luck to you.

3. Going to the bathroom by yourself is a privilege.

When I had no kids, I would go to the bathroom and close the door. Now when I need to go to the bathroom I wait until my daughter is out of reach of any pens, pencils, scissors or any other sharp object and keep the door open. I try to remember to close it when I have company.

4. Babies do not sleep through the night at 3 months or even 6 months.

Those new moms who say, "Oh, my baby is sleeping 12 hours and he or she is 3 months" are liars or show offs; they are far from perfect. Babies don't just magically sleep through the night at 3 months. You have to teach them to sleep on their own. Even when they do start sleeping through the night and you are so happy because you have finally gotten 7 hours of consistent sleep; don't worry that will be short lived. They will go through a new developmental milestone or be teething or sick and start waking up all over again.

5. Do not listen to those moms who with a smile on their face say they always find time to clean their house and be with their babies.

Those moms are show offs, perfectionists or liars. It is next to impossible to clean your house from top to bottom with a baby. When a baby is a newborn you should sleep when the baby sleeps so you can be there for your baby. That is the most important thing. When your baby is older, you can try to clean your house with her but that takes so much longer and they may try to color on the walls or do something else and then you have more cleaning to do.

6. You can teach your 1 year old about basic emotions.

When your toddler is having a tantrum you can ask her why and give him or her the emotional words to use to tell you why he or she is having a tantrum. It decreases the length of tantrums.

7. Every Milestone is amazing.

It is especially beautiful to be able to have a conversation with your child. Talk to your child like you talk to anyone without baby talk. They are people too and they like it when you have conversations with them.

8. Do not listen to the time periods for each milestone.

Babies and toddlers will do things at their own time and no matter how much you push them to do something they are going to get it. Your baby will not go to kindergarten with a bottle or a pacifier in his or her mouth. Maya went off the pacifier at 15 months and the bottle at 25 months and she is a completely normal kid.

9. You are the mother of your child and you know your child the best.

Anyone who tells you "don't give your baby this food, don't praise her for doing this...." and the list goes on; do not listen to them. Do what you feel is best for your child.

10. You will love your baby despite all of the hardships that comes along with having a child.

Ocean City Adventures

I went to Ocean City and Rehobeth Beach this weekend and who knew that a simple trip to the beach could be such an adventure. We arrived on Friday afternoon and started off the day walking around the boardwalk. Then we went to this really nice private beach off a hotel called Castle in the Sand. The waves were really high and it was really relaxing to be in the ocean. There is something about being in the water that makes all the stresses of everyday life go away. After the beach walked around the boardwalk again, and went to this very nice authentic Mexican restaurant where I had my first vegtable fajita. It was really amazing. I loved making my own burrito.

The next day was even more adventurous. We went to Rehobeth Beach and we walked on the boardwalk where I bought a soft pretzel. It was really good, and we walked to the beach while I ate my soft pretzel. I was on my last bit when all of a sudden a sea gull swopped down and snatched the last piece of my pretzel and flew away. It happened so fast I did not even realize it happened until the pretzel was gone. I think birds are way to comfortable with people! After that, I went swimming in the ocean, and while swimming, I felt a stinging sensation in my arms and then in my leg. I got out of the water and noticed I had a rash on my arms and leg. I found out that I had gotten stuck by a jelly fish. All in all, the beach was an awesome experience from my first jelly fish sting to a bird stealing my food to my first fajita.

Metro Accident

When something happens like the red line crash on the Washington DC metro it really teaches you to appreciate life. On Monday evening, around 5PM the red line going in the direction of Glenmont crashed into another train. I took the red line in that direction every day to get to George Washington University. Normally on Mondays my class ends at 3PM, and I sometimes stay to exercise at the gym. This weekend I realized that I had a lot of work to do so I decided to go home right after my class around 3PM. Normally when I finish working out I leave between 4:15 and 4:30 and I could not help thinking after I heard about the accident that if I stayed later to work out I could have been on that fateful train that crashed. It was really wierd to think about it. It really scared me. It made me think that I am here in this world for a greater purpose to live a great life and get a great job in an elementary school. It made me want to work real hard in Graduate school so I can do well and follow my dream of teaching. When a tragedy like this happens that hits so close to home it really makes you want to devote as much passion to your life as possible. When something amazing rolls around it makes you want to enjoy it that much more.

Harpers Ferry

It has been a few months since I last posted but I wanted to share a beautiful experience I had today. I went to Harpers Ferry, West Virginia for the first time. What made it so special was walking through an old town on a beautiful day looking through small shops filled with jewelry, homemade ice cream and souvenirs. Another thing that made it so special was walking around the C & O Canal on a clear day. I went with my boyfriend and we saw this old, white abandoned house that we climbed to get to. I discovered that walking through nature caused us to find out different things that we otherwise would not have known about each other. I really enjoyed walking through nature and hearing the soft sounds of the river. It was also nice to take pictures of the pretty views. We walked on a bridge overlooking the river and parallel to the bridge were railroad tracks. We had the wind blowing in our faces and there was a pretty view of the river. This experience was really nice because it allowed me to step back from my busy life and appreciate my surrondings. When I walked through nature today it provided me with a sense of calm and purpose to my life.

Straight Into Darkness by Faye Kellerman

I just finished a new mystery/historical novel by Faye Kellerman. It is a mystery novel that takes place between World War I and World War II in Munich, Germany. The book is about an Inspector who is trying to solve a murder but each time he gets closer to finding the murderer, another murder occurs. I have read all of the Peter Decker/Rina Lazarus mystery novels by Faye Kellerman and I knew she wrote other types of mystery and historical novels but I did not think I would like them. However, this book was really interesting to me because I know all about World War II and how it started and I have read many books on the holocause but I have never read a fiction novel that takes place between World War I and II.

Straight Into Darkness puts a different spin on Germany and World War I and the development of World War II. I kept wanting to read the book more and more because I wanted to know the new developments Inspector Axel Berg discovered. I strongly recommend this book to anyone who loves a good mystery with a historical twist.

Hair Today Gone Tommorow

Yesterday, I got a haircut but not just any haircut. I got a haircut in order to donate my hair to Pantene Pro V. Pantene Pro V is a shampoo company but they are also an organization that accepts hair donations. The donated hair is then made into wigs and given to people with cancer or other diseases that cause people to lose their hair.

I have wanted to donate my hair for a long time because my mother had lung cancer and I remember what it was like for her when she was loosing her hair from chemotherapy. I remember when she went shopping for wigs and how hard it was for her to loose her hair. I really admired her courage, bravery and positive attitude throughout it all and I wanted to do something personal to honor her memory. After I got my haircut, I felt so happy and satisfied that I was giving back to the community in this way. One thing I learned from watching my mother go through cancer is to appreciate the little things in life because life is very precious. Another thing I realized is you have to figure out what you believe in and what you want out of life and you cannot be afraid to follow your dreams.